About the Founder and Contact Information

Jordan McCaffrey is the founder of Mother Haven, a confidential and anonymous place for mothers where incest of their child is suspected or alleged.  Mothers can connect with another mother who has been through the same devastating tragedy and receive comfort, support and strength.

The impact on mothers when the charge of incest occurs is universal.  Mothers lives are instantly changed; shattered by the implication of incest. They are in shock and don’t know where to turn for help.  Mothers deserve compassion and resources.

Mother Haven provides an opportunity for mothers to share experiences and find solace.

I didn’t immediately believe that my daughter had been incested.  But I didn’t disbelieve it either.  My first response was shock.  Then I immediately felt as though every one believed it was my fault; that I must be a “bad mother.” I recoiled at the word incest and felt shame at the accusation.  The word hung in the air like a dark cloud.  I wanted to turn back the clock.  My life was shattered into a million pieces as if ground under the sole of a boot.

My life changed as quickly as snapping your fingers.  Instantly, five agencies intervened in our family including Child Protection Services which terrified me.  My daughter carved on herself and threatened suicide.  One of my sons began setting things on fire.  My parenting was questioned.  Agencies expected me to comply with thier guidelines.  Some family members became angry.  Overwhelming stress and choas dominated my daily existence.  Each week there was a new crisis.  I was confused, over-whelmed and depressed.  I was suffering.  I spiraled downward into a dark cavern.

I didn’t want anyone to know.  The few people who did know responded with a judgemental eye; as if I knew about the abuse but did nothing to stop it.  At times I was treated as if I were the criminal–the perpetrator.

So I hid.  I suffered alone and in isolation.

Resources were directed to my daughter and her siblings.  For me, they were scarce or nonexistent.  My parenting was under scrutiny.  Every intervening agency focused on my parenting and my children.  The message was clear.  My sole purpose was to support my children through the trauma.   NO ONE ever asked me, “How are you doing?” or “What do you need?“  My mental and physical health deteriorated until I suffered panic attacks.   I felt like I was going to die.

The isolation almost destroyed me.  To this day, I have only spoken to five other mothers who experienced the disclosure of incest.  Yet each time I’ve had the opportunity to connect with another mother, I’ve felt a sense of comfort in knowing that I’m not alone and a piece of me healed.

When 1 out of 4 girls and 1 out of 6 boys will be sexual abused before the age of eighteen; 82-88% of the perpetrators are male; and over 90% of the sexual abuse is commited by someone the chlid knows, there are thousands of mothers suffering through this tragedy alone and isolated.

No mother should have to suffer alone as I did.

Mother Haven is intended to provide a place for mothers to seek refuge from the daily struggles; a place to receive comfort; a place of compassion; a place to find resources; a place to receive information; and a place of hope.

Mother Haven also provides advocates to assist parents with the agencies that intervene when sexual abuse is reported.


Jordan McCaffrey

Mother of an Incested Child




4 Responses to “About the Founder and Contact Information”

  1. melanie April 16, 2012 at 6:12 pm #

    Thank you! You just explained my life to a t here!!! Thank you again!

  2. Karen July 18, 2018 at 8:35 am #

    Hi Jordan,

    I am a devastated Mother of 2 children..
    Both victims.. ..Son and Daughter.
    Son was molested by Ex…..and came home shattered.
    Then my Son later on inappropriately touched my Daughter.
    It has been 6 years since disclosure and Daughter will not speak to me. I separated them when it happened. My Son went to live with my now deceased Mother. We never contacted authorities because my Son was suicidal.
    I believed my Daughter because it was my Son that confessed to me.

    Please never take your site away, there are plenty of suicidal Mothers out there.

    I am lost….

    • jordanssite August 29, 2018 at 4:10 pm #

      Your story is similar to mine. My son was molested by a man in Big Brothers of America. I did not find out until he was eighteen when he disclosed to me. I was clueless about pedophiles and the impact on victims. Five years later my younger daughter disclosed that he had incested her from the time she was three years old until ten. I was devastated and horrified. My son had kept this from me.. After extensive research, I discovered that frequently the abused child becomes the abuser. It tore our family apart which sounds as if that was the consequences in your family. Don’t give up on your daughter. Healing is slow. You made the best decision you could at the time. The most important thing I can remind you of is that IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.

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